The above is something that rings true with every parent I know. And despite the call for a better work life balance the truth of it is 99% of parents now have to work harder and longer to cope with the rising cost of everything from utility bills to food and childcare costs.

Do these surveys that tell us how guilty we feel really help? One the one hand you can never point out enough times that too much work is bad for your health, emotions and family life but on the other hand unless these surveys offer concrete ways to make organisations offer flexible working patterns how are many of us meant to balance up our life?

Of course, there are better ways to switch off when we get home, the biggest one being switch off tech during family time so that you can literally switch off and enjoy time with your kids. Aside from making your kids happier, it really does get rid of some of the anxiety that comes with being constantly in touch with work matters.

Other than that we’re open to hearing how you switch off and cut back on work. Are you caught in an all work and no play scenario? Do you feel guilty about the amount of time you spend working? Let us know your thoughts.

Tweet

Share via email

Yet, the hottest trend is for names is inspired by a place. Numerous US celebrities have chosen Camden (which makes us wonder if they’ve ever been there), and countries like Ireland, India and Asia are also storming up the charts. Nordic names also dominate with Freya coming back into the girl charts and Kai and Axel proving to be popular amongst boys.

Of course, what’s most likely to affect the name charts in the UK is the birth of William and Kate’s baby in July. Whether it’s a boy or a girl it’s likely to be bestowed with a classic name. Hot tips are on the name Alexandra though Kate has said, “We have a shortlist for both (boy and girl), but it’s very difficult. My friends keep texting me names!”. 

If you’re wondering how baby names are generally picked an interesting piece on Live Science says while some names are chosen for meaning,”Baby name choices aren’t made in a vacuum. Without intending to, parents gravitate toward trendy sounds. In recent years, the most popular girl names have been melodic and vowel-filled, such as Sophia, Isabella, Olivia and Ava.  And the popular choice for boys has been the -en ending: Both Jayden and Aiden have risen high in the name charts.”

Whatever you choose beware,  nothing sinks a name faster (or gains it more criticism) than popularity. So when choosing your baby’s name your best bet is to keep it quiet until the very end.

Tweet

Share via email

In many ways I know this is a karmic payback for all the fighting and squabbling my brothers and I did. We get on well now but between the ages of 3 and 16 years I am pretty sure we fought constantly and that my parents wanted to run away from us. What’s good to know is a that sibling bickering is less about toys and being annoying and more about that age old chestnut – sibling rivalry. Certainly the six year old feels her brother gets more love than her and the three year old feels his sister gets more of everything.

One parenting experts I know suggests the best way to deal with bickering siblings is:

1. Don’t take sides. Make both kids accountable every time, telling them it doesn’t matter who started it both will either get no treats or go to bed early (stay true to your threats).

2. Don’t referee their fights. Getting in the middle and sticking up for one over the other doesn’t help. Stick to step one above.

3. Help to diffuse the jealousy (much of which is natural) by praising both kids, not just when they say they don’t feel loved etc.

4. Sometimes bickering is down to spending too much time together. Distract your kids with different activities and work between them.

5. Accept that bickering is normal, but whacking each other and hurting each other isn’t. Set limits for what is and isn’t acceptable between your kids with repercussions.

So do your kids fight a lot? How do you cope with it?

Tweet

Share via email

Recent studies show that despite all the evidence that kids need suncream, many parents like me,  just save sunscreen/sunblock for holidays abroad. Even then we don’t apply enough and even use the wrong sun protection factor. The key message from experts is as soon as the sun starts to shine kids need sunscreen. This is because too much sun is particularly harmful to young children (babies under six months should be kept out of the sun), and protecting them significantly reduces the risk of developing skin cancer in later life.

As for sun protection this doesn’t just mean using sunscreen but keeping small kids out of the sun at the hottest part of the day (12 – 2pm) protecting them with natural shade and encouraging them to wear hats, shirts and other protective clothing when in very hot conditions (like today). For older kids it’s also about reminding them to drink water, and take a rest when they feel hot and bothered.

As for what to buy  - any sunscreen that offers broad spectrum protection (protects against UVA and UVB rays) is water resistant and has an SPF of at least 15 is good. Top picks for us are Nivea Kids Swim and Play SPF 50 £7.24 from Boots, and Sudocrem’s Sunscreen Mousse for Children and Babies SPF 50 £15 also from Boots.

Tweet

Share via email

I know from my own experience that my kids pretty much conform to the above. Why? Well because I have definitely bought child number 1 up differently from child number 2. My son is about to be 3 years old and yesterday I realised he can’t hold a pen properly because we’ve let him run amok with the iPad and basically hurl his toys about over the carefully considered hours we spent drawing and practising with my daughter who is now 6. I’m also ashamed to say I don’t think he knows his colours properly, but then I could be wrong because I haven’t got round to asking him.

By comparison I’ve spent hours with my eldest playing with shapes and colours and numbers and jigsaws and getting her to do the right thing. As a result she’s pretty smart for a 6 year old. The downside is I also spent hours worrying about her sleep patterns, eating patterns and whether she was happy or not. So guess which child is the best eater and sleeper and can entertain themselves without my input? Yes, poor neglected baby number 2.

That said I also know they are both going to grow up and blame me for everything anyway so I perhaps I should just stop worrying about what I did and didn’t do.

So did you bring your first and second babies up differently? Do you think family order has made you who you are today? Let me know.

Tweet

Share via email

People may say what does she know with all her money and staff but if you listen to her words she’s right “It’s the same for any working mum out there. You just do your best, but constantly feel guilty. I enjoy being a mum. I love having kids more than anything and I would do anything for them.”

What I’ve learnt is that no matter what you do with work and motherhood, you never feel happy with the result. I constantly feel guilty that I don’t give my kids enough time and that I am often ratty and snappy on work days as I struggle to make sure I do the school run and cater to work needs. That said, I know stay at home mothers who feel equally guilty about the choices they have made.

I think the key with mummy guilt is for all of us to just stop doing it. I notice my husband (and other husbands) aren’t wracked with guilt all the time. I know he feels bad for working long hours but it doesn’t beat himself over the head with it. His reasoning being “Life is stressful enough without making yourself feel even worse.”

He’s right because mum guilt is one of those emotions that basically isn’t rational. All studies show that children of working parents have a normal, healthy development even when both parents work. They are happy, they feel loved so there’s nothing to feel guilty about? Right or wrong? What do you think?

Tweet

Share via email

Areas where new mums tend to underestimate costs are around food and expenses ranging from childcare to transport. This doesn’t surprise me because when I was a new mum my costings only revolved around baby equipment, and clothes. For some reason I forgot that tiny kids need a host of other things too like childcare and nappies! Even now with a 6 year old and a 3 year old I constantly wonder why my food bill is so high (er..because there are now 4 of us eating 3 meals a day) and why everything costs so much (again there are 4 of us).

In my head I still think of my kids as little things that don’t eat much or use very much and so don’t cost very much. Of course the reality is they have whopping appetites, grow out of their clothes and shoes weekly and have constant needs for cash for school dinners, school trips, books, etc.

In many ways I think all of us parents underestimate how much kids cost, simply because to acknowledge how much we have to spend is frightening. But how about you? Are you shocked by how much your kids cost? Let us know.

Tweet

Share via email

It’s one reason why Michael Gove’s ‘suggestion’ that less holidays and a longer school day is a rubbish idea for families. Yes, it would lower childcare costs and be a bit more helpful to some working parents but it would give kids even less time with their families. Plus, despite what Gove says there is no correlation between hours spent at school and educational standards. Asian countries do better because they tend to have a tuition culture that means they spend longs hours studying outside of school, and Scandinavian countries have a much shorter school day and they still do much better than us.

All in all I think it’s hard enough to find time as a family these days, especially as many parents are on shift patterns and many have to work weekends. Knowing there is a bit of time after school (they may finish at 3.15/3.30 but who gets home before 4?) and at weekends and in the holidays is good for families. It helps children to have some down time, and also not get exhausted, tired and fractious by the end of the school year.

If he wants to help working families perhaps he could help make childcare more affordable and do something about our long working hours and the fact there are not enough nursery spaces to go round.

But what do you think? Would you prefer to see a longer school day and shorter holidays? What can the government really do to help working families?

Tweet

Share via email

In the light of all the horrible things that have happened this week I am somewhat divided. On the one hand I don’t believe in shielding kids from the realities of life, after all horrible things happen, and nasty people are out there and I feel you have to teach your children to be wary of some situations and people. On the other hand I remember my now grown up god daughter being very traumatized by 9/11 when she was 6 years old. After seeing constant images of the world trade center burning she had nightmares and fears about flying for years.

My own 6 year old was equally traumatised when she unexpectedly came downstairs one night while the 10pm news was on and witnessed a violent clip from Syria that involved children. So I think like many things in life, ‘protecting’ your children means using your own judgment to what you think they can handle, what’s age appropriate and how best to talk to them about what they see and witness (after all they see and hear a lot more than we think).

The advice from experts is to not let very young children watch the news but watch some of the news with older school age kids. CBBC’s Newsround is great for this. And if your child has seen something or heard something say about the Boston Marathon that frightens them the key is to talk about the good in the story. Such as all the people helping each other, and the ones being brave and the police getting closer to finding the person responsible.

But what do you think? Should kids be protected from the terrible stories in the news? Let us know your thoughts.

Tweet

Share via email

If you haven’t yet had chicken pox in your house here are some things I’ve discovered this week: More than 90% of chickenpox cases occur in children less than 12 years of age. Chickenpox blisters show up in waves over five days. This means while first blisters begin to crust, new spots appear and while the symptoms last for only a number of days, it takes around 10 – 14 days until all blisters have crusted over and your child is no longer contagious.

Calpol and antihistamines help with the itching but I have been googling mum sites madly trying to find ways of coping with the itch especially at night when tiredness, and frustration inevitably has kids in tears. This is what I have found to cope with the itching and inevitable misery that chicken pox brings.

1. PoxClin - a new find that I had never heard of until now. It’s a cool mousse that contains a bioactive bacterial blocker for an effective treatment to sooth the itch, to recondition the skin and to help prevent scar tissue formation. My daughter loved it because it spreads so easily across larger areas like her back and torso and instantly cooled her skin, plus it smells of lavender. PoxClin  available over the counter at pharmacies or is £10.49 from Boots.

2. Aveeno Skin Relief Bath Treatment £3.49 from Amazon – Adding finely-ground (colloidal) oatmeal such as Aveeno really can help improve itching and the dryness of skin during Chicken Pox. It’s a brilliant find (thanks to all the mums who suggested it) and has helped enormously. And a great help when you’re giving a child a bath at 2 am to calm them down.

3. Baths in bicarbonate of Soda (a tablespoon in the bath) – really, really soothing.

4.  Calamine Cream £1.55 from Lloyds Pharmacy instead of lotion. It relieves the itching and doesn’t dry out the skin, only the spots.

So have your kids had chicken pox? What did you do to help them?

Tweet

Share via email

My favourites are the ones that try to make you feel like a rubbish mother – ‘What? You’ve waited this long.’ ‘Do you think he has a problem?’  To the competitive ones, ‘I potty trained X at six months‘, ‘He just told me at 12 months he was going on the toilet.’ To the downright silly, ‘Take a toy away every time he wets himself.’

Yes you can potty train a child early but on the whole most people start around 2 and a half, what’s more it doesn’t matter, because since when did using the toilet become a competition? What I’ve learnt as a parent is basically what other parents often say isn’t true and some parents will make anything into a competition.

The answer is to not to allow yourself to be pulled into anything because believe me the competitive parenting doesn’t stop. It starts with baby size and birth and moves on to sleeping/feeding/potty training and once they’re at school reading and intelligence. It’s exhausting so take a tip from me – stay out of it!

Are you a competitive parent or does all the competition around parenting get on your nerves? Let us know. For tips and advice about Potty Training see NHS Choices.

Tweet

Share via email

So it doesn’t surprise me to hear that national charity Family Action, in partnership with Lloyds Money for Life programme has found that almost half of British parents cannot afford to give their children the birthday party they want to throw. The report, entitled Birthdays on the Breadline reveals how many families are driven to spend on birthday parties because of increasing pressure to impress other parents, friends and family. With more than a third spending between £80 and £500 on an individual child’s party and around 46% of parents saying they have to save in advance to throw a party.

The trend for taking cake, sweets and party bags into school for classmates can’t help much either. When did this become common place? And why are the cakes being bought in so fancy? The easy answer is parents showing off and trying to keep up with the mums that make it their mission to do everything in an OTT way. The report backs this up showing that nearly half of parents saying the best part of organising their child’s part is the sense of achievement they get from it.

In response to the report Family Action, and Lloyds Money for Life  have come up with some top tips on how to organise a party on a budget (see tips below) but my common sense tip is simply to get a birthday party into perspective. Ignore playground peer pressure (it’s there for everything so why bother with it) and ask yourself what do your kids really want? Answer: A cake, some fun and a few friends to make their day happy this doesn’t have to equal huge expenses or A-list entertainers. If you don’t believe me think back to the parties you had when you were a kid!

1.  Have a party at home this year instead of at an external venue? Setting up a birthday party at home for your children and their friends is cost effective and with a little time and planning you can give your child some very happy memories.

2. Providing party bags is often expected for kids’ birthdays but they can be expensive, minimise the amount you spend by having a ‘lucky dip’ as an alternative for the children to pick one small gift each as they leave the party. 

3. A trip to the cinema with some friends makes a great birthday treat but the cost can quickly spiral out of control. However, many cinemas now show kids’ films at the weekend at a fraction of the cost. Check out your local cinema to see what’s on offer. 

Tweet

Share via email