What Should You Have Talked About Before Having Kids?
It’s amazing what couples don’t talk about before having kids. Reading about the TomKat divorce proceedings the big revelation seems to be Katie Holmes is filing for divorce as she doesn’t want her daughter bought up a Scientologist. Seeing as her husband is a leading figure in Scientology I’m wondering why she didn’t realize this would be a problem before having kids. Not that I am judging her because let’s face it – being in love clouds a lot of issues in the beginning.
I have two sets of friends who have also just separated over issues they should have also talked about pre-kids. One because he wants their son bought up a Catholic, while his wife is arguing that her son is Jewish. Again very strangely they didn’t talk about this at all before having kids. Both say they assumed the other knew what they wanted. The other couple are also breaking up over anm issue that just begs for discussion pre-babies – going back to work. The husband wants his wife to return to work and the wife wants to stay home with their child until she goes to school. It’s an issue that has caused so many arguments that they can no longer bear to talk to each other.
I have also fallen foul of not discussing issues pre-kids a major one in this household being education. My husband accuses me of being a Tiger-mum (insane Asian over achieving mother) because I routinely insist on my 5 year old doing 30 minutes of homework a night. While I think his slack approach to education is a road to the benefit office. Of course, we have come to a compromise but it’s made me think about what else we should have discussed besides names before we had kids.
Doing a quick straw poll in the playground this morning, other mums said – discipline, manners, who’d get up in the night, interference from in-laws, and money.
But what about you? What do you wish you’d talked about before having kids?